A Newfound Hope
by SloW-DreamEr
Summary: A year after Jamie's death, Landon meets another girl who seemingly reminds Landon of Jamie. Landon wonders if he's ready to love again, but he's not sure if he truly has moved on.btw:sry if it takes a while 4 a new chap!it takes a while, so be patient
1. Prologue:Letting Go

Letting Go  
  
It's been a year since Jamie's spirit passed on. And since her death, I've walked up to her peaceful grave, laying but a sweet flower upon her tombstone. With each second that passes by as I stare down at her tombstone, a tear rolls down. Memories of what she had taught me about love, faith, and hope flooded into my mind and I realized that I not only lost her, I had lost a part of myself as well.  
  
I close my eyes and tried to keep in the tears that have nearly consumed me throughout the year. Jamie, my sweet Jamie, who had done nothing but good in this world is gone from this earth and is in someone elses arms, not of mine, but of God's. I still remember how beautiful she looked in the play that brought us both together, on our wedding day, and ultimately on her death. She had that sweet softness that not even I could comprehend. I bright smile that seemed to light up the world bring it out of darkness. And a heart that showed me the depths of the human soul, and the joy and pain of living.  
  
I knew with all my heart, that I loved her, but still, I couldn't let go. I couldn't let go of the memory, I couldn't let go of the lasting presence she had left in my heart. I couldn't let go of her. 


	2. A Walk Down Memory Lane

A Walk Down Memory Lane  
  
With a heavy heart, I trudged out of the cemetery. I could almost hear her whispering, "Landon, how was your day?" I could almost feel her presence with me, I sort of presence that pulsated with each heartbeat. It hurt thinking about her, but then again, it hurt not to.  
  
I walked over to the dock and remembered when we were there, together, where she helped me realize that intangible things, especially those pertaining to the heart are far more precious than those that are tangible. She taught me that the best things in life can't be seen but can be felt.  
  
" I feel the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it," she said, with her bright smile that seemed to light up the whole sky. An angelic glow was always around her, it seemed to pulsate with each second that passed by. My eyes water up again as I remember that moment. A mere flashback in my mind. A mere memory of the past.  
  
I walk off the dock and walk again, I don't even know where I should go, for I know that wherever I do go, Jamie won't be there. I pass by buildings, roads, and people, yet Jamie's face is nowhere in that blur. With each step I take, I take another step faster, until suddenly I bump into a girl with a book in her hands. She dropped the book in surprise.  
  
" Oh I'm sorry," I mutter.  
  
" Oh no, it's my fault, I wasn't looking," she said.  
  
I pick up the book and hand it to her anyway. We lean for the book at the same time and make eye contact. Her eyes, a soft blue, the same blue that Jamie's warm eyes always held.  
  
" I'm Elizabeth Matthews," she said holding out her hand, smiling.  
  
I stare at it for a few moments, as though not knowing what to do. Slowly, I bring up my hand and slowly shake it.  
  
" I'm Landon, Landon Carter." She gave a smile. A smile as though she knew me, as though we had met before. I noticed the book she was reading, Oliver Twist.  
  
" Nice book," I say quickly, going again on my way.  
  
" Thanks Landon, thanks for giving me back my book." I stop in my tracks and a flashback hits me. Jamie said the same thing, the same way. With her happy tone that seem to sound louder than all other noises that were around the streets of Beaufort.  
  
She turned back and gave me a smile. For a moment I though it was my Jamie. My Jamie. But the moment I blink, Elizabeth was back. Elizabeth reminded me so much of Jamie, of my Jamie. Elizabeth had the same color of hair, eyes, and smile.  
  
The only thing was….. She wasn't Jamie. 


	3. A Kind Heart

A Strange Ordeal  
  
That, night, as I stared through Jamie's telescope, I spotted Jamie's star. For some reason, it seemed to shine brighter than every star in the sky. It seemed to pulsate the glow and warmth inside of Jamie's heart, as though she were watching me from above. As I stared outside, through the telescope, I noticed something moving in the trees. I pointed towards the tree and saw a porch nearby. On the porch, was, Elizabeth, looking up at the stars through a smaller telescope. My heart wrenched at the sight. She reminded me too much of Jamie. Her curious eyes, the way she seemed so into what she sees, the way her eyes twinkled, it was all too much.  
  
Suddenly, she turned her eyes towards me and smiled. I smiled, weakly, back. I could almost imagine her as Jamie. The word here is "almost" .  
  
The next morning, as I took a walk through the lonely streets of Beaufort, I came across the orphanage, and inside the orphanage was, not Jamie, but Elizabeth. I walked inside and saw Elizabeth giving a small doll to a little girl.  
  
"Hi Landon," she said brightly.  
  
"Hi," I said shortly.  
  
" Why are you here?" she asked.  
  
"Just, visiting the kids here," I answered.  
  
" Me too. Actually I'm visting an extra special person here." The little girl came into view. Her bright red ringlets were held in 2 huge pigtails. What nearly broke my heart was how frail and sickly she looked. She was as white as hell and you could almost see through her skin. She looked more like only skin and bones.  
  
" It's Kryslin's birthday today," said Elizabeth, happily. Kryslin weakly smiled. Elizabeth went over to me and whispered softly in my ear, and spoke the words that seemed to be the words that I've been dreading for the past year, " Kryslin has leukemia, and she only has a little bit of time left ." I looked at Kryslin and my heart seemed to break. She was playing with that little doll and treasuring it as though it were a prized jewel or something. She seemed to be filled with the gift of sweet innocence.  
  
I went over to Kryslin, and asked, " What do you want for your birthday?" She turned around, seeming surprised that I was talking to her.  
  
She weakly blubbered, " I, I want, to get better. I, I want to see my mommy and daddy again. I, I want, I want…."  
  
"A miracle," I finished for her. I pulled out my wallet, but then stopped. Money wouldn't help her get better, money wouldn't bring back her parents, money wouldn't give her her miracle. Instead, I put her in my arms, and gave her a hug. Kryslin seemed almost shocked, but after a moment, she relaxed and squeezed me tight.  
  
" Thank , thank, thank, you, La, la, Landon," she blubbered. It seemed as though she couldn't properly talk, or maybe as though she were scared or fearful of something. My guess was, of her own death. Elizabeth smiled.  
  
" I think, Kryslin will treasure your gift more than all the others she may be getting," said Elizabeth.  
  
Thinking of Jamie, I said to Kryslin." I'll pray for you." Kryslin gave me a smile, of hope, that filled me with pride. I had done what Jamie would have done.  
  
Suddenly, Elizabeth, came over to me and said, " Would you walk with me to the book store?"  
  
"Uhhhh, sure,"I answered, unsurely. We said goodbye to the kids and walked over to the book store. On the way there, we talked a bit.  
  
" Why you goin to the book store?" I asked.  
  
" I have a particular book in mind," she said.  
  
" What's it called?" I asked.  
  
" It's called, Oliver Twist," she said happily.  
  
" Oh I've heard of that book," I said.  
  
" Really? Have you read it?" she asked.  
  
" No," I confessed to her. Her once bright mood, seemed to go down into flames.  
  
" Do you go to church a lot?" she asked.  
  
"Ya," I answered briefly. I really didn't want 2 start up a conversation with Elizabeth. It just didn't feel right talking to another girl after Jamie's death. It just didn't feel right. It seemed almost disrespectful to Jamie's memory.  
  
" You really don't want to talk to me, do you Landon?"she asked, sounding almost guilty. I looked at her, with sympathy that I had just hurt a girl who was only trying to get to know me.  
  
" Don't be silly. Of course I want to talk to you," I answered. It sounded as though I forced that out, though. I wasn't sure if Elizabeth would notice.  
  
" Seriously, you can leave if I'm bugging u," she said, " I don't want to be a nuisance." Before I could answer, we were at the book store and the moment we stepped in, she rushed towards the shelves, as though she knew the place better than the back of her own hand. As she looked, I found the book, Oliver Twist, and called Elizabeth over.  
  
" O thank you Landon!!!" she said happily. I smiled at her. She seemed so happy. But as we neared the check-out counter, I spied the book, To Kill a Mockingbird. At that moment, I reminded myself of my everlasting love to Jamie.I turned away from the back, the same way I thought I had turned away from Jamie. 


	4. Elizabeth's Secret Life

After, I walked Elizabeth to her block, she wouldn't let me see her house for some reason, I ran home. I felt guilty that I had been with another girl , a girl that wasn't Jamie. Inside of my room, I found some solitude from what has just happened. I can't believe it, I had been with another girl.  
  
I never thought I'd ever do this, ever. I almost hate myself for it. Looking through my telescope, I saw Elizabeth, on her porch, reading her new book. I noticed the way she swiftly put a fresh lock of her light brown hair behind her ear. The way she smiled and frowned at times, and the way she seemed to, I dunno, be at peace. She seemed to look as though she had no problems, no pressures, no worries. She seemed to be at peace with life. But something about her, I don't know. I just knew she wasn't telling me something. I could almost feel it in my blood, it was a gut instinct.  
  
I paced around in my room and thought about it for a while. Jamie, Elizabeth? Elizabeth, Jamie? Gosh, I never thought I'd ever find another girl. Not since Jamie. I also never thought I'd fall in love with another girl.  
  
I left my house and went over to Elizabeth's. She warmly greeted me at her porch.  
  
" Hi Landon! What are you doing here?" she asked, looking up from her book.  
  
" Oh nothing, just wanted to say hi," he said.  
  
" Well, hi, Landon," she said, keeping her head in her book. She seemed a bit nervous for some reason.  
  
" YOU LITTLE NO GOOD IDIOT!!!!" yelled a man's voice from inside the house. I turned around and found a drunken guy about my age standing at the door.  
  
"Are you flirting with my sister?! Huh, punk?" he asked stupidly.  
  
" Landon, this is my older brother, Brian," she said.  
  
" Where are your parents?" I asked her sternly, not liking what I saw in her brother.  
  
" They're dead. Brian's all I have," she whispered so that her brother could not hear. I looked at him in hatred and her in pity. I can imagine that it must be really hard to live with a drunken guy like him.  
  
" Yo, you freakin faggot, get out!!!" he yelled. Elizabeth stepped back and bowed her head down. " And you," he spat at Elizabeth, " get inside." With tears in her eyes, she stepped inside. Brian glared at me, and I stepped out of their porch and walked home.  
  
The moment I got home, I ran up to my telescope and focused it at her room, and saw something that simply broke my heart and scattered the pieces over an open flame. Brian had just slapped Elizabeth square on the cheek. She lay on the floor, sprawled out, and had a sore, red, slightly bleeding, cheek. Her eyes were closed with tears bleeding out between her shut eyes. I myself, could feel the tears cascading across my face. I could almost hear here crying in the pain he had inflicted upon her at that moment. I wanted to do something. I wanted to help her, but I knew in my mind that I couldn't. But in my heart, I could here the song Jamie had sung in the play.  
  
"So I lay my head back down.  
  
And I lift my hands and pray.  
  
To be only yours I pray  
  
To be only yours I know now  
  
You're my  
  
Only Hope.  
  
I shuddered at the haunting lyrics that seemed to return to me. I cried at the memory and I knew what I had to do. I knew what Jamie would want me to do. And I knew that it was, of course, the right thing to do. 


	5. Is There Something Else?

The next morning, I woke up early to see if I could catch a glimpse of Elizabeth at her house. I went up to her house and peered through the window.  
  
Elizabeth was sitting down drinking a glass of milk, while her brother wolfed down bacon and eggs.  
  
"You don't put make enough bacon, Elizabeth, u idiot," he yelled  
  
" Sorry Brian," she said with her head bowed down.  
  
" I take u in, and this is what u do to repay me, u little ritard," he yelled. Elizabeth bowed her head, and nodded. Brian through his fork at her, and it landed in front of her.  
  
" You'd better be a little more appreciative, u little idiot. Or else you'll be back out on the streets," he muttered, before leaving the table and going off to work.  
  
With tears in her eyes, Elizabeth said, "Goodbye Brian."  
  
" Bye idiot," he muttered. I hid behind a bush as he passed by. I saw Elizabeth, with tears in her eyes, and sobbing at the table. My heart wrenched at the sight. She was bandaging what seemed to be cut marks at the top of her shoulder. The moment Brian's car was out of sight, I knocked on the door. Elizabeth opened it, with watery eyes.  
  
" Oh, hi Landon," she said, almost sadly.  
  
" Hi, can I cum in?" I asked  
  
" Oh sure," she said. She had covered the cuts with her shirt.  
  
" I was looking through the window," I said while sitting down on her kitchen table. Elizabeth looked almost surprised, as she paused for a moment while pouring some orange juice into a glass.  
  
" You did? You saw my brother?" she asked. I looked at her and nodded. She brought me a a glass of orange juice and one for herself  
  
" Ya, he didn't seem to happy," I said, to her.  
  
" He's like that sometimes," she said plainly. "I'm used to it now."  
  
" I also saw, that you had cuts on your arm," I said. She stopped drinking her orange juice, suddenly.  
  
" Ya, and?" she asked, almost harshly.  
  
" Well, I was just wondering where you got them from," I said, trying to make it sound like an innocent question.  
  
" I cut myself," she answered plainly. Ok…. I wasn't expecting that. I thought maybe she had fallen down, or maybe a stray animal, like a cat did it. But, no, she did.  
  
" Why?" I asked.  
  
" Well, sometimes, I just get sad, yanno, like you can't take it anymore. So I cut myself," she said, grimly.  
  
" I see.." I actually didn't really see, though. Why would she do such a thing to herself? But then, again, she might just be lying. So we left it that.  
  
" Where are you off to?" I asked.  
  
" I'm not going anywhere," she said plainly. She didn't seem to be much in the mood for talking or anything. She seemed to be really down in the dumps.  
  
" You should go now, I don't wanna keep you," she said hurriedly. She didn't seem to be the same at all.  
  
" Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" I asked her gently.  
  
" No Landon, I'm fine."  
  
" Are you sure?" I asked  
  
" I'm sure." I nodded and then left. As I walked away from her house, I had a strange feeling that she wasn't telling me something, that she was keeping something from me.  
  
There was something else going on……..I could feel it. 


	6. Don't Fall in Love With Me

After my classes, I left for the book store to see if Elizabeth would be there. She wasn't. She wasn't in the orphanage neither. Running out of ideas, I ran back to her house. My shirt was drenched in sweat and my heart felt as though it could pound out of my chest. But yet, I ran to her. I wondered, why was I doing all of this? But I laid that thought aside and ran. 

I peered into her window and saw clear signs that the house was empty. I couldn't think of where to go. I leaned on the door, and found that it was opened. Not thinking of the consequences, I went inside. On the coffee table, there was an album lying open. It was a picture of what looked like her, her parents, and her older brother, looking as though he hadn't slept in ages, but nevertheless, smiling. They looked happy, as in a content sort of happy. The parents were in the middle, with their arms lovingly slung over their two children. Elizabeth didn't seem to be any older than 16. Brian seemed to be 18. She wasn't smiling much, she almost seemed to be smirking, but she seemed happy, enough. As I turned the pages of the album, I saw more family pictures, all of them were happy, and that was good enough for me.

But then, after a picture of the family again, there was a picture of a tombstone. A grave. I could make out the words Bruce and Elaine Matthews, Forever Loved. They had to be Elizabeth's parents. There were pictures of the funeral. Elizabeth was dressed in black, with blank eyes, as though she had no life, no emotion other than the deep sadness she felt. Brian seemed to be in grief beyond tears. Then, the album ended with a picture of the family once more. It seemed so sad, as though the pictures told a story. The story of their family. I closed the album, and stepped back outside. Then, the thought came back to me, "Why was I going through all of this trouble for Elizabeth?" I couldn't answer it myself, all I knew was that I had to go see her again. 

Later that day, I went to the cemetary, to visit Jamie, as I always did. And in the cemetary, I saw Elizabeth, crying and standing near a tombstone. The same tombstone that was in the album. I walked over to her, she was trembling. She had a cut lip and was silently crying. She had that same blank expression that she had held on her parents' funeral. Full of only sadness. I stood next to her, she didn't move or even turn her head, but I knew that she could feel my presence. She still stood there, trembling. I put my hand on her shoulder. Even though my hand was a bit wet from my sweat, she touched it as it was on her shoulder. She looked at me, I stared into her deep blue eyes, they seemed to tell me something.

"Landon," she said softly.

" Ya," I whispered, smiling.

" Wha, what are u doing here?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

" I came to visit someone," I said softly. 

"You lost someone too?" she asked, almost sadly. 

"Ya,"I answered, closing my eyes, thinking of Jamie. A single tear rolled down my eyes, and I knew that Elizabeth had somehow felt it.

"Don't cry Landon. Whoever it is, may not like it if you cry. The loved one you might have lost, may cry too up there in heaven," she said soothingly.

"Are there tears in heaven?" I asked her.

"It depends on what you believe. Crying is good for the soul. It helps say words that can't be expressed in any other way. True tears that come only from a pure feeling can be worth more than a thousand words, and can last for more than a lifetime," she said. It was true. My heart felt broken inside, as though a huge chunk of it had been ripped out. The hurt inside was shown through my tears, the tears that I had cried from the loss of my Jamie. The tears that I knew would leave a mark that would last a lifetime. 

"Sometimes you just need to move on," she said.

"But it's hard," I answered her.

"Yes it is, but there will always be someone close to you to help you move on. Someone who you know you can depend on."

"Are you that someone?" I asked her teasingly. She looked at me straight in the eye, as though trying to read my soul. As though trying to interpret my thoughts and the words that I never said.

"I can, if you want me to be. But you have to promise me something," she said, arching her eyebrows a little. This felt familiar. 

"Anything."

"You can't fall in love with me," she whispered. I knew I couldn't I knew for a fact that I couldn't love someone other than my Jamie. No matter what, Elizabeth could never be Jamie, and no matter how close we COULD get, I knew that I'd never be able to love her the way I had loved Jamie.

"I promise," I said. My heart rate seemed to increase, and I all of a sudden, felt as though this was wrong, that I shouldn't be talking to her. "I, I , I have to go Elizabeth.Thanks for talking to me," I said quickly and awkwardly, I headed towards the cemetary gates, and took a quick look back at her. She was standing as she was before. Her face showed no tears or hurt. It showed nothing whatsoever. Then I heard her call back.

"Sometimes, shutting yourself away from emotion can be a worser pain than death itself." I stared at her empty face, emotionless. 

I stared back into her deep eyes and ran. I didn't have a specific place in mind, I just knew that I had to run. Run away from my fears. My fear of falling in love again.


	7. Torn

            It would be an entire five days before I found in myself the courage to talk to Elizabeth again.  Not courage really, more like strength. Her presence kept bringing back feelings and long kept memories that I'd hoped I'd be able to let go of. After our experience at the cemetery, I thought it'd be best if I just cooled it for a while. Elizabeth managed to reopen wounds that had only just begun to heal. I don't think my heart was ready to have to deal with the pain.

            But after five monotonous days of sulking around, everything just became too strange. I realized I missed her. Within those five days, I often found myself looking through her window with my telescope, wondering what to do, debating in my head whether to see her or not. What I saw tore up my insides and only brought down guilt. She looked like a worn down animal, left with nothing but the clothes on her back. Some nights, I'd see her sitting with her knees in her arms on her bedroom floor silently crying through shut eyes, whispering words my heart ached to hear. For what seemed like hours, I'd watch her and once or twice I'd feel my own tears cascade down my cheeks.  More than anything, I wanted to go down to her house and wipe every tear from her eyes. Tell her everything would be alright, even though I wasn't sure myself if they would. More than anything, I wish I did do just that.

            Finally, after I didn't think I could stand it any longer, I went over to the Matthews'. After five days of watching Brian with what seemed like maddening rage, I felt sure he wouldn't be home at this hour. It was about nine. Stars twinkled above me, like lights to guide my way. I treaded through a neighbor's fresh-cut lawn so I wouldn't waste another minute walking. The sweet aromas of freshly fallen leaves and autumn filled the air. The sound of a bird fluttering towards the full moon startled me for a second. But even then, my heart seemed to skip a beat as I neared her house.  

            I knocked on the door, and there she was, smiling. In the midst of all that seemed to be happening to her, there she stood, smiling.

            "Hey Landon, how've you been? Do, do…. D'ya want to come in?" she sweetly inquired. I felt surprised and at the same time, strangely enough, glad, she'd invited me in. She went to the kitchen to heat some sweet tea up. She told me to sit and make myself comfortable while I waited.  As I sat down on the musty forest green sofa, I glanced around her living room.

 For the first time, I noticed her piano. Its pure white and black keys glimmered in the glare of a nearby lamp. I went over to it and touched a key. A calm, unfaltering note answered me. I hit another and then another, and soon found myself playing the first notes of a haunting song. A song that lingered in my memory and both comforted and devoured my mind. It was the song Jamie sang on the night of the spring play.

Although I never had the time to learn how to play the piano as well as Jamie, in the year following her death, I taught myself how to play this song. Since then, I'd developed a great respect for anyone with the patience to learn the piano. The sweet, yet haunting melody filled the room. I could almost hear Jamie's glorious voice singing to it. Its wonder, joy, pain, and hope echoed in my ears, and for a few moments she was alive to me again. The thought of her gone seemed to be nothing but a dream, a nightmare I'd finally woken from. I felt a single tear moisten in my eyes as the final note died. When it did die, I felt a sturdy hand on my shoulder. I looked up and found myself staring into Elizabeth's soft blue eyes. 

"That was beautiful," she whispered, staring intently at my hands. She picked my right hand up and smoothed it over with hers. It almost seemed as though she knew my story, my pain, my longing.  After a few moments of silence, she finally asked, "Where'd you learn it?"

I looked at her. Her sweet, yet strong voice echoed in my head. She smiled and in her eyes comforting sense of a lost innocence was reflected. I looked at her hands, which held mine. They were long and soft, pianist's hands. Strong, yet precise. For the first time, I didn't see her as a reminder of what I'd lost. I saw…I saw Elizabeth. 

"Someone close taught it to me," I said, smiling back. 

"Wow, did he write it? I've never heard it before."

"Yeah, she did write it," I whispered. Her everlasting smile stayed on her smooth lips, but they somehow seemed to fade a bit.

"She's a wonderful musician."

"Yeah, she was."

"Was?" she asked, suddenly sounding concerned. I took a deep breath, and looked her straight in the eye. Every nerve in my body seemed to tingle, and every hair on my body seemed to stand on end.

"Jamie, she died a year ago." My voice cracked as the word 'died' passed my lips. Suddenly, reality struck me. In the tortuous year that followed her death, never had I had to admit it. Never did I ever have to hear myself say those words. 

Elizabeth looked at me, with sudden understanding.  "Sometimes, things hurt so much, that it's easier to deal with when you tell yourself, it didn't happen."

            "It is easier," I admitted.

            "But in the end, it hurts just the same. Sometimes even more. Lingering on it doesn't help either. Reopening wounds from the past can never heal them," she said. Her words made sense, and from what I'd known her words rang true and had meaning.

            "Then, what can?" I asked. 

            "You'll have to find that out on your own. I had to find a way to heal the wounds my parents left after they died. Its hard, and at times I felt like if I could see them just once more….just one more time…." Her voice did not continue. A single tear rolled down her cheek. I caught it with my finger and wiped it away. She blushed and smiled.

            "How'd you heal your wounds?" I asked my voice cracking.

            "When I do, I'll tell you," she said, clearing her throat and wiping her eyes. Suddenly, a grandfather clock rang 10. "You'd better leave before Brian comes home," she whispered. I nodded and looked into her eyes once more. They were moist, but still held a soft, pulsating glow. 

            "Goodbye Landon Carter," she said, as I ran out the door.

 Houses and starlight were all but a blur to me. When I finally reached home, my body was completely worn out. I took a quick shower and went into my room. I closed my eyes and thought of all that'd happened today. I thought of the piano, I thought of loss, and I thought of Elizabeth. I thought a lot about Elizabeth, to the point where, while lying in bed, I couldn't bring myself to sleep. For a few moments, I could almost say I loved her.  I massaged my fingers, and thought of hers. Yet, as I did, I felt my wedding ring on my finger. An ocean of guilt poured itself all over me. Jamie and my vow to love no one but her filled my mind. 

Torn and confused, I kneeled at my bedside and prayed. I prayed for peace, I prayed for understanding, most of all I prayed for Jamie to forgive me for everything I'd done.


End file.
